♠Dreaming in Silence♠ †State¿Suicide†

5:24pm: The Monster... ...I Lost
Read the 2 poems seperate then read them together like this... " Never have... ...I thought"

"The Monster..." "...I Lost"

Never have... ...I thought
To live... ...I had
To see... ...I left
Free from... ...It all

Hatered... ...It came
Judgement... ...To me
The monster... ...It sleeps
Not knowing... ...It dreams

So as... ...I ran
So long... ...I hid
Amoung things... ...I left
You to... ...It all

By me... ...It sleeps
It feeds... ...My dreams
To you... ...It needs
It controles... ...My needs

It makes... ...You
Sad that... ...I need
Nothing for... ...I feel
Something... ...To small

The answers... ...You came
Of questions... ...To me
The monster... ...I lost
Destroyed... ...It all

5:19pm: Demon's Game (Part 2 of "Who Am I")
The demon with in---is crawling inside
Eating away at my soul, my thoughts
And what binds my heart and mind.

Sad and sorrow are one in the same
Twisting and turning untill I have nothing left to gain.
Scraching away my sanity to feel sane,
He chains my very existence in vain---with the thought
To be ruler of my domain.

I do things now---I never thought I'd do.
I hurt myself---and everything I knew.
The hopes I veiw now---the dreams that I look through
Are all just lies, I wish them to be true.

Day and night, they pass me by
I drift on, there only lies
I hear the questions, I hear them why
The controling thoughts, they controle my mind
I can't fight this pain, I can not try
I can't give up, I can not die.

You demon with in---you are my life
You take away the pain---that I no longer want inside
You peir through my mind---
Not controling it but changing it
Demon with in---you no longer have to hide.

5:18pm: Angels and Demons (Part 3 of "Who Am I")
My angels and demons hide inside,
One wants to controle the other as I struggle to survive---
But--- inevitably---one will die
Controlling me! from deep down inside...

So I hide, fearing most from what controles my mind...
Like a broken mirror, I no longer see who I use to be...
Only this fear, in which I have burden my soul with...

So---which is it!? am I the wingless angel of salvation?
Or am I the psychotic demon hell bent on annihilation?

1:32am: Shroud
I am broken and I can not be fixed
The peices are shattered---Mainly the ones that I miss...
I vainly remember apathy of capacity---a little wish I call life---
But I eagerly o'wait my destnies fate, for whom I can not o'wake;---

My shrouded world of hate...

Amplitude my forgotful mind, shroud my corresponding signs
Shrine my suffering past for the man,
With the clock like hands, will take that of what is mine;---

Father time.

2:16am: Numb feels Nothing Feels Something
Feelings...
What are feelings?
Is it something we touch?
Is it something we tast?
Is it something we see?
Is it even something at all?
Is it even for me?

When I look---my eyes bleed
When I touch---my hands bleed
When I bleed---I can see
Everything around me---everything
From the heavens to the sea
A world I feel---I feel nothing for me...

My heart dose not race.
When I hold someone tight
My soul dose not brace.
When I begin to see the light
I am empty---I am out of place
of the feelings I wish to tast.


Give me your feelings---I can not have
This empty hole---give me a plug
To cover up my numb soul...

I want to know, what it is you feel
So someday I will know---what its like
To heal one whole---please let me feel...

Numb---how can one feel numb
If numb feels nothing---Feeling nothing
is nothing to feel---When numb is nothing
You feel something.

My feelings I do have---but they hide
Like feeling sad---to ones self,
I am glad---I am greatful I feel
Nothing---something to feel
something to have...

8:28am: Slit and Wait
Paint my razors red, color my blood
Everything left unknown, everything left unsaid
The vocies are calling, they are calling now
Cover the blades, show no one what I have done
Close and lock the door, let us begin my dying son...

Three days pass and I am still sitting here
Drowning in my wasted pool of lonelyness
"Why hasn't anyone looked for me?"
But still I slit and wait... ...dying of a slow death's fait

"Surely someone has got to care... ...right?"
As I slit and wait, I think to deep and start to ach
The pain is unbareable but I do nothing
I watch as the room is flooded with missteaks
I cry out but the blades cut what they take
"This must really be my fait... ...dying alone to wake..."

Breathing red rusts my lungs and blinds my eyes
I wished apart of me had tryed...
I wished apart of me had cryed...
To late for sorrows as vocies tell me to die...
So I tilt my head and close my eyes
The time is near... ...the time of bloody lies appears...

The door breaks open and the red mist washes away
"Someone dose care?" as I slowly open my eyes
"But who?" "Everyone I know has left me or I left you"

The light peirces through my scars "I feel you..."

2:09am: EVIL
Everlasting
Evermore
Everybody
Everyday
Everyone
Everything
Everywhere
Everyway

Evidence of
Evil
Evoke
Evolution for
Execution

Victims
Very from
Vanity,
Vitality, and
Vivacity

Vigorous
Violence
Victor from
Variant

Isolated
Insanity
Instigate
Insecurity using
Insinuating
Insight

Insalubrious
Influene
Inject us to
Inhumanity

Lessions of
Liberalizations
Lessens our
Link to
Lugubrious
Life

Lucrative
Lies
Lunge a
Label hinting to
Lucifer

If you notice my poem spells evil in every way... Every two paragraphs has a new letter spelling...

8:55pm: Profanity of Insanity
Time has come to an end
For all life to transend
To mend a broken heart
Watch my mind as it gose dark

What was I waiting for
Misery collapsed
Futures elapsed
I lost my soul and now I can't get it back

Transitive eyes
Transslander crys
To many sorrows
Unperfect questions
Unperfect whys

Give me the answer
I need the truth
My heart we explode
The world is hang by the sun's
Noose

I was just guessing
Nights and days
So little time
So many ways

Slowly I turned away
And killed everyone
Their pain was my truth
I had nothing left to gain

Let me stand alone on my mound of bones
Leave me be in my pain of passionate sorrows and borken homes
I walk on my isolated path way
Following no one as I slay

Give me death for what I have done
Cut me, hang me, shoot me with a gun
Create my world and kill me 3,000 times a day
Tell me I'm on the right path when so far astray

6:29pm: One day, two meanings, three lives, four beginings
My favorit word in the whole english language "why"...

1Why adv. : for what reason, cause, or purpose

2Why conj. : 1:the cause, reason, or purpose for which 2: for which : on account of which

3Why n., pl. whys : REASON, CAUSE

4Why interj. --- used to express surprise, hesitation, approval, disapproval, or impatience

You can ask or answer with why to get what ever answer you want or need... Thats only if the other person is being truthful or not... But that is not my only reason for loving the word so much... The word why has killed so many people, broke so many hearts, split so many minds in two... But it always keeps us wandering... Ither making us stronger or weaker, depending on how you look at things...

10:43pm: Illusions
Endless thoughts of interior confinement
A streaming life called vagabond
I am like neoplasm and the world is like the body
I have no useful purpose but to be the antibody of an anthropomorphic world

It is a tragic thought to bare in mind
That we are unstable to realize we need nothing
I ask the questions of what we all want to know
And have concluded the answer...
...War...

We do not live in hell, nor do we live in heaven
We're not even living... we are all dead
When we no longer see the ones we love...
They are living...

A blind man can tell you how he sees the world
A mute man and can show you how he feels the world
I repent all life and quaff all their missteaks
For never listening, only being perfidy

I have opened my eyes to see through my illusions (Have you?)
Liquefy your thoughts, let them flow through
Empty your diminutive, dauntless minds
And crystalize your hearts

Push pass your cruxes and criterias
Wake up and harmonize your hellion soul
Inversionize what you have become
And bleed out your injustiful sanity

You will see... ...your illusions...

7:08pm: Fogotten
Forget me
No memories
No dreams
Just forgotten

Being alone
To feel nothing
Pain is my calling
I fear no more

Death is near
War, I do not fear
My life
Cold

No one's fault
No one's loss
No one's friend
No one's love

Lost in pain
Pain by me
My fault
Lost everything

Unknowing who
Who I am
Wanting to know
Where I stand

Day by day
I forget time
Not knowing
Why I make people hate me in there mind

Forget Kris
Spelled with a "K"
Remember one person
Who ruined everything in one day

Ruined his life
Ruined his friendship
Ruined his love
For all great things

Death is my calling now
As I sit and wait
Realizing
I was a misteak

I can do no more
But welcome it
When time comes....
When time comes....

Forget friendship
Forget love
Forget pain
Forget me

6:16pm: "Godless God" or "Eyes of an Eyeless God"
Jagged edges...
Dying pieces...
Falling angels...
Forgotten faces...

Hopeless dreams...
Mindless thinking...
Endless sorrows...
Lifeless souls...

Taint my eyes...
Color your heart...
Watch the moon glow...
Darker then bright...

Spin in place...
Steel the light...
Stare at the sun...
Piercing the night...

Hidden away
In forbidden pages,
Write the end,
Blood and pen.

Hanging hook of the sun,
Let me melt in the sand.
Falling moon of the wingless shadows...
...Show me how the gods die...

Look into my eyes,
The eyes of an eyeless god...
Look into my soul,
The soul of a soulless god...

Take my hands, take 'em away...
No more suffering, no more pain,
No more blood...
I'll shed my tears of rain.

I am the godless god...

Hanging hook of the sun,
Melt away what I have created...
Falling moon of the wingless shadows...
...Show me how the gods die...

12:11am: Falling moon of the eyeless shadows
Jagged edges
Dying pieces
Falling angels
Forgotten faces

Hopeless dreams
Mindless thinking
Endless sorrows
Lifeless souls

Taint my eyes
Color your heart
Watch the moon glow
Darker then bright

Spin in pleace
Steel the light
Stare at the sun
Piercing the night

Hidden away
In forbidden pages
Write the end
Blood and pen

Hanging hook of the sun
Let me go melt in the sand
Falling moon of the eyeless shadows
Show me how the gods die



Not done....

5:11pm: Over rated Nirvana...
It never makes sence to me to comment on something that you don't understand... That wasn't ment for you to understand... But yet some are still compelled to comment anyways... I'm not complaning or anything, I mean it makes sence to ask what it means if you comment on something you don't understand but to comment saying its good or bad is so blatantly over rated bliss...

2:15am: Understanding the Lost
Sorry I was lost
No one help'd me
Now I sit alone
Watch the hands
Turn close
I was left to be my own
Now I tie the noose

Let the blood drip
Closely now Kidd
Watch how I turn away
Leave you alone
Leave you in pain

Let me think
How can I be
If there is no one
Then run...
Just run...

Three ways
But only one way
Push me off
Push me away
Please let me stay
Dance in the rain
Thats what you would have wanted

Fun things
Come out and play
Never understand me
You'll lose your head
You'll go insane
Too many pieces are lost
Remember
You can't read me like a book
Read the words
Read what they say
Then lie down
And lose your mind
Someday
You'll find the meaning
You'll find the way
You'll understand
All the words I write

Why didn't I just
But now we can live
Wait for me
I'll come again
I'll come back
For you I never left

Swing me back and forth
Nothings moving
Feel my hands
Feel the cold
Cut the rope
Untie the noose
Bury me, I can cope

I wish I could change the color of some of the letters, but what is write in them are

understanding the lost
slit the throat
cut me to die
hang me

5:11pm: I'm coming home...
I have made up my mind... I am moving to scottland... I want to get to know my heritage and what nots... Plus I think scottland looks so kool... I have no family there and I know no one but it will be nice living somewheres other then the states... Also... When I or before I move there I want to learn how to play the bagpipes... They just sound so kool... I love the Scottish National Anthem... It sounds so kool, the whole thing, not just the begining part that almost every has heard... But the whole thing... Also, theres this other bagpipe song I want to learn as well... I'm not sure who wrote and play'd it but its killer... I think its called "The Rouges of Scottland"... For the longest time, I have always loved playing my guitar but I've taken a big interest in the bagpipes... But anywheres yeah... That is what I am going to do... As soon as I make enough money I'm coming home...

1:27am: ♠W.S.♠
W-ith every breath I take
A-nd every step I make
S-hould there come a day, that
H-ysteria will rule away
I-nsomnia overwhelms the
N-ight, and so dose
G-uilt and pride

S-eparating from my heart
A-re the things that have torn apart
R-ecord this sympathatic pain
R-uthfulness is what I became
O-f all that was left
W-ashing away were my
S-arrows reign

This one mean something to me... More so then any of the others I have writen... Partly being this is my life sum'd into 2 words... WASHING SARROWS... Even thoe its very short and I'm the one who wrote it... It moves me every time I read it... People may say its not that great... but to them, they are blinded by just the words them selfs and try to hard to understand it... Which is fine... I don't expect people to understand it... I just want people to know that all of my heart and "soul" and anything and everything that one person can to voice his whole world, I have done with this one... And when I grab my guitar and sing this song, for me, this will be my last song...

1:26am: Hang me
Hang me from my halter
I'm so alone, I have no family and friends...
I lived my life, free of regret
Only to find my self hanging from my neck

Hang me high, hang me low
Hang me for all the world to know
Show them love, show them pain
God I wish it would rain

My life is pleading, my hands are bleeding
I can't go on, please forgive me
I am so alone, left sitting on my death throne
Spinning like a cyclone, my mind left unknown

Hang me high, hang me low
Hang me like a shadow show
Show them love, show them pain
God's smoking his cocaine

Tell them the truth, tell 'em why
I am left hanging in front of your eyes
I am alone, I am blind
Thank you, your so kind

Hang me low, hang me high
hang me over the public's eye
I want no one last breath
Gods laughing as I am put to my death

(God is talking)
He is hanging in front of you here today
For the following reasons I am going to say
Roll once, roll twice
And someday you'll pay the price
Being different, being nice
There only numbers on dice
A precise mind can be redefind
As mankind begins to unwind
But for him, he wanted to intertwine
With the things people had left behind
To be one with obliviousness
Good thing he wont be missed

Hang me low, hang me high
Hang me somewhere in the sky
Show me love, show me pain
God had finaly explain'd

1:25am: A brief moment
For a brief moment
I look up at the blue sky
Wishing I was in paradice
As I start to cry

For a brief moment
With the sun shinning down on me
Wishing I was in paradice
As I fall to my knees

For a brief moment
The cold wind blowing on me
Wishing I was in paradice
As I start to plea

For a brief moment
I am broken with pieces to be fixed
Wishing I was in paradice
I am affixed, my mind transfixed

For a brief moment
I am free
Wishing I was in paradice
Knowing it could never be

This one sux

1:25am: W.B.C.D.The Miscarriage of Lady Liberty
On every street
Theres a drink (with your name on it)
On every corner
Theres a gun (with your name on it)

It is our "patrotic" right
To "own" a gun,
To win a losing fight
To kill your own famliy and son

Living in clear discretions
Fighting angst authority's of oppressions
The universal tolerance of independence
Double standard of liberty from discriminations

Freedom, justice, bravery (United)
Equality, independent, modesty (States)
A *chroma of confined democracy (of)
Individualisticly separation from individality (America)

Assurance of high priced intensity
Licenced by reassuranced simplicity
Behavior of free will
Don't forget to take your pills

Johnny was a good boy
Always did what he was told
Being used as a decoy
Can turn someone so cold

No one help'd
No one believed him
"I didn't kill her" (LIES)
How can people be so grim?

The hangman's halter
Bound to be executed
Decompose and rot in an altar
The system had elaborated

On every t.v. (They)
Drink this, drive that (Hope)
On every billboard (You)
Drive this, drink that (Die)

Work (For the product)
Buy (The product)
Consume (The product)
Die (Cuz of the product)

*Chroma: chromatic purity: freedom from dilution with white and hence vividness of hue (in other words, the separation of white from color)
This is totaly far from done... I have ALOT of work to be done on this... I just thought I would ask what you people think of it so far... The begaining sux but I plan to fix it...

1:24am: ¿My soul takes it's toll?
These faded walls are closing in behind me
Someone help! Someone please find me!
What am I to do
Look back and watch it all go black?

These dryless waves come crashing, I am traped in a cage
Chocking my life as I strugle to survie
My soul felt so cold as I faded away
Bliss with pain
Have I gone insane?

I stand alone
Please take me home
I don't belong
Do I think wrong?

These coldless fires burn me with desires
I am like the wind and cannot stop what I inspire (fire)
The flames grow with every concern
That if my heart stops, I'll never return (they want me to suffer)

My muted soul takes it's toll
As I'm lay'd to rest, barried in my hole (home)
On my tomb, I lay with the dead (my final words are)
"I never forgot what color I bleed"

I stand alone
Rotting flush and bone
Take me to my grave
I wanna go home

1:23am: Titleless
I am building a bridge
To get over these broken thoughts, these broken lies
I am building a road
To follow my own lonely path of whys

I'm someone
I'm afraid
I'm someone
And I'm betrayed

I am building a clock
To watch the hands of life that I call mine
I am writting a song
About my feelings of that day and time

I'm someone
I'm staid
I'm someone
I'm a masquerade

I am building a wall
To hide my feelings when I break down, when I cry
I am diging a grave
To hide myself, to fall inside

I'm someone
I'm decayed
I am someone
As I went away

1:21am: ♥Kaoutic Love♥
Blind sided sceens
Recent thoughts
Broken dreams
All tied in knots

Flashing thoughts
Blinding minds
Winding plots
Never ending times

Circaling Kaous
Running, not lost
Wanting your kaoutic heart
Calling it my own we'll start (if you let me)

I'll fall with you (if you let me)
I'll fall for you (if you let me)
I'll fall in you (if you let me)
I'll fall...

Torn souls
I want you to hold... (my heart)
Crazy signs
I want you to be mine (if you let me)

Circaling above... (a white wing dove)
Running for your love
Wanting your kaoutic heart
Painting you like crimson art (if you let me)

I'll fall with you (if you let me)
I'll fall for you (if you let me)
I'll fall in you (if you let me)
I'll fall... (in love with you)

I hate this poem... I hate it, I HATE it, I HATE IT... Someone please take this poem away from me...

1:20am: Driving in my car, Driving until I came too far
Driving around not knowing where I was going.
Only to find how tightly I was bind,
Bind by this world with no immorals...
And as I drove on, I never forgot where I was gone...

Wheels turning, truely feeling how bad my heart was hurting...
I drove untill gas ran high, I said to you "do you want a ride?"
Driving fast, slowly made the time pass...

Blurry cars, I drove too far...
You turned to ash, my heart stoped to crash...
Blurry cars, I drove too hard....
You looked so sad when you took my hand just before we crashed...

Blurry cars, I drove too far...
I turned to ash when your heart stoped to crash

Blurry cars, I drove too hard...
My heart stoped to crash just as you asked...

And as I drove on, time ran fast keeping me in the past...
And as I drove on, my car started to rust as I turned to dust...

1:20am: As the pages turn...
As the pages turn
Burning hands and melting eyes
Silent calls and blindly demise
Down the turning spiral well we go

Atomic hearts and exploding minds
Tainted souls and blatant crimes
Comprise how much we want to try
Six feet under, we all lie

As the pages turn
Unburning hands and unmelting eyes
Nonsilent calls and nonblindly demise
The chapters begins

Nonatomic hearts and nonexploding minds
Untainted souls and unblatant crimes
Reading the show into the unknown
As we all start to fall

Counting pages tells no lies
Drowning in turning spiral wells
We heard the calls, we heard the crys
We read on untill one by one, we died

As the pages turn
We soon realized
How fragile we lived our lives
Untill it was to late to say goodbye

Finding answers that have no meaning
Wasted our lives of questions we abide
The book consumed our souls as we fell
Into the turning spiral well

As the pages turn...